Between custody schedules, family traditions, travel and expectations, divorcing spouses in Massachusetts face a trying combination of legal and emotional challenges during the holidays. So how can your family tackle the challenges of the holiday season and create the right conditions for a peaceful holiday?

Understanding the Legal Framework: What Massachusetts Law Cares About

Massachusetts decisions about custody and parenting time are driven by the “best interests” of the child. The Probate & Family Court and state guidance explain the distinction between legal custody (decision-making) and parenting time (when the child is with each parent), and they encourage specific parenting plans that address routine schedules and special days like holidays. If you have a court order, the court order dictates the schedule. If you don’t have a court order, a written parenting plan agreed to by both parents is best and should be discussed as far in advance of the holidays as possible. 

Holiday schedules are usually treated separately from regular parenting schedules. Judges and mediators commonly expect parenting plans to include an explicit holiday schedule (which parent has the children Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve vs. Christmas Day, school vacation weeks, etc.). The rationale is that holiday schedules “override” ordinary rules and having a plan prevents conflicts about special days. Many Massachusetts mediators and family lawyers recommend—and courts expect—specific, date-and-time based language for holidays to avoid confusion.

Practical tips for Managing Thanksgiving and the holidays

1) Check your order / parenting plan first

Before you accept or propose holiday changes, read your custody order or parenting plan carefully. Many plans already contain holiday language (who gets Thanksgiving, which years, pickup/drop-off times). If it’s unclear, treat it as a red flag to clarify in writing. If you don’t have an order, put a holiday schedule in writing that both of you and sign the document.

2) Use a clear, simple holiday schedule

It depends on the individual circumstances, but many parents choose to keep their holiday schedule simple and reply on widely used templates, for example:

Thanksgiving: Alternating years. In odd-numbered years, Parent A has the children from Wednesday after school until Thursday at 7:00 PM; Parent B has Thanksgiving Day in even-numbered years.

Christmas Eve / Christmas Day: Split — Parent A will have Christmas Eve from 5:00 PM until 10:00 PM; Parent B will have Christmas Day from 9:00 AM until 6:00 PM; alternate who has the full holiday each year.

Follow similar rules for any culturally specific seasonal holiday

It’s recommended that you modify times/dates for your family and specify pickup/drop-off locations and who is responsible for travel. Including precise times and alternating-year language reduces ambiguity and court disputes.

3) Plan pickups, drop-offs, and transitions in advance

Agree on neutral, safe, and well-timed transition locations and put them in writing. During holidays traffic and flights can cause delays. It’s a good idea to build buffer time into plans so one parent isn’t rushed or left waiting. Many parents used shared calendars, parenting apps and more to avoid “he said/she said” misunderstandings.

4) Put travel rules in writing

If one parent wants to take the child out of state for Thanksgiving or school vacation, specify consent rules and documentation (e.g., written permission, copy of itinerary, emergency contact). Failing to follow an agreed travel clause can lead to enforcement actions. Recent family-law guides in MA stress the legal importance of holiday-travel clauses.

5) Keep it flexible, and child-focused

Kids notice tension. Consider splitting the holiday (part with one parent, part with the other) or switching which parent gets major holidays every other year. In the first year following separation parents routinely try to honor certain traditions that each spouse’s family follows in order to give the children a more predictable holiday with less stress. The goal is meaningful time with both parents and predictability, which courts view positively.

6) Put agreements in writing—even informal ones

A signed, narrowly focused holiday addendum to your parenting plan dramatically lowers the chance of conflict. If you later go to court, judges look more favorably on parents who tried to cooperate and created written plans.

Not All Divorces Are Created Equal

Unfortunately, not all divorces are smooth sailing, and sometimes your co-parent may be uncooperative or even intentionally try to sabotage the process.  In the case of high conflict divorce, strong and steady legal representation and plans that are flexible but realistic will provide a good foundation. Whether you and your co-parent or at odds or the relationship is more harmonious you should discuss the issue with your attorney. Any of the following steps may be useful during holiday schedule mishaps:

• Document communications (texts, emails, calendar entries). This helps if the dispute escalates.
• Try a short, focused mediation for the holiday issue—courts in Massachusetts and many local mediators encourage small-scope mediation for specific disputes.
• If there’s an urgent safety concern, prioritize the child’s immediate safety and contact local authorities or your attorney. (Safety concerns change the legal analysis and may restrict parenting time immediately.)

Emotional survival tips (for parents)

• Put the child first: model calm and cooperation. Kids remember how adults handle disputes more than the details.
• Build new rituals: create “holiday lite” traditions that don’t hinge on one household.
• Set boundaries about what you will and won’t discuss during family gatherings.
• Use supports: therapists, divorce-support groups, and trusted friends can help you navigate grief, guilt, and anger

When to call a Massachusetts divorce attorney

Consider contacting an experienced Massachusetts family law attorney who practices mediation and collaborative law if you need any of the following:

• You need to turn an informal holiday agreement into a court-endorsed parenting plan.
• You need to draft precise holiday language to put into a custody order.
• You need to resolve disputes about travel, school vacation, or holiday custody without court.
• You need representation in collaborative law sessions or a mediator who understands Probate & Family Court practices in MA.

A good Massachusetts divorce attorney will review your current order (if there is one), explain local Probate & Family Court procedures and eFiling requirements, help you choose mediation or collaborative law if appropriate, and draft an enforceable holiday parenting addendum. If safety or parental fitness is a concern, they will advise immediate steps and possible emergency motions.

Drafting a Clear Holiday Parenting Plan

Getting a clear, written holiday plan that reflects your family’s reality is the fastest route to calmer celebrations. Massachusetts law and the Probate & Family Court favor arrangements that promote the child’s best interests and predictable parenting time, so specificity matters. Sit down with your attorney and tell the story of your family, including details of your family holiday traditions and family members who are invited to holiday celebrations. The more specific you can get, the more you can give your attorney a sense of your holiday equilibrium and how to reset this equilibrium during the challenges of divorce.

Some couples may be ready to mediate their holiday schedules, whereas others may avail of the structured process of collaborative law, where each spouse hires a specially trained attorney and all parties commit to solving issues cooperatively out of court. Other divorces require tougher representation, and you may be dealing with a disruptive spouse who attempts to derail holiday plans. No matter what kind of divorce you are getting, you can survive the holidays and even find moments of calm, providing you have adequate support and a plan. At Mansur Law Group we provide support for all aspects of divorce, through divorce, parenting plans and post-divorce modifications that impact holiday schedules.

Contact Mansur Law Group today at (978) 341-5040 to schedule a confidential consultation about your divorce and to discuss your holiday schedule.