Infidelity is one of the most controversial topics in marriage and relationships. For some people it’s a dealbreaker, for others it’s a crisis that can be worked through. Wherever you stand, infidelity will almost certainly present a challenge to your vision of the future for your marriage. Because infidelity involves deceit, it can cause trust issues, and it can disrupt your shared vision of what you and your partner mean to each other as a couple.
Infidelity can lead to a lot of emotions, and sometimes drastic solutions. Some people will hire a private investigator to find out if their spouse is cheating, while others will confront their spouse or file for divorce immediately. A new documentary set in China, “The Mistress Dispeller,” explores what happens when there is infidelity, but one spouse doesn’t want a divorce. The documentary follows a wife who hires a professional “Mistress Dispeller” to infiltrate the life of the mistress and try to persuade her to give up on the affair. This new love industry has grown up around the rise of divorce and infidelity in China that has accompanied an economic boom. In a society where divorce is becoming more common but is not traditionally acceptable, it is the wife who hires a professional to save the marriage. The service is expensive and time consuming, starting at tens of thousands of dollars.
Fortunately, not all solutions to infidelity have to be as expensive or arduous as hiring someone to break up your spouse’s affair. And not all crises in a marriage end in divorce. It is up to the couple to decide whether they want to make it work or end the marriage. If you are in a marriage where there has been infidelity, there are real consequences, which may involve a loss of trust but may also be economic. Some people spend a lot of money on their affair partner. They may splurge on hotel rooms, travel expenses, or they may even be supporting them economically. In some cases, the offending spouse may spend lavishly on escorts and gifts. An affair often involves financial infidelity as well as romantic infidelity.
If your trust has been damaged by a cheating partner, but you want to stay married, you may need assurances and clear agreements before re-committing to your marriage. If you haven’t yet decided to divorce but divorce is a possibility, you may want to get some guarantees that you will be protected in the event of divorce. If you already have a prenuptial agreement you might want to update that agreement to reflect the new circumstances at the time of the affair. During divorce litigation in Massachusetts, the parties’ conduct can be considered by a judge. If an affair involves what’s known as “dissipation of assets,” meaning that a spouse has spent marital assets on their affair, this conduct might influence the final settlement award. Rather than allowing resentments to simmer and fighting these issues in court, you could make a postnuptial agreement that provides remediation or financial assurances prior to recommitting to your marriage.
The reconciliation of high-profile (and high-net worth) couples such as Rory McElroy and Erica Stoll and Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin has challenged the stereotype that a marriage that’s in trouble must necessarily lead to divorce. If, like a celebrity couple, you and your spouse have significant marital assets, it’s even more important to consider formalizing any reconciliation with your spouse by entering into a postnuptial agreement.
If you have experienced a crisis in your marriage and you are not sure if you want to get a divorce, it’s a good time to get clear about your finances and the future. If you are considering making a postnuptial agreement or reviewing an existing prenuptial agreement following infidelity or a marital crisis, it’s essential to work with a highly experienced, highly rated family law attorney and mediator. Postnuptial agreements will face more scrutiny than prenups if challenged in court, as it’s assumed that it is more likely one spouse will be making the agreement under duress. Any post-marital or postnuptial agreement must be entered into freely and voluntarily. The language should be extremely clear, detailed and the parties must be satisfied with the agreement and fully informed of the consequences of making such an agreement. Mediating these agreements allows the couple to feel that they are both in charge of the process and that they are fully informed of their decisions. Informal agreements to work on your marriage may also be part of the process of reconciliation. An experienced attorney mediator can work with you to tailor the process to your needs.
At Mansur Law Group, our experienced family law team works with people who are facing complex family law matters that may involve divorce, marital finances or an ongoing parenting relationship. If you have faced a significant crisis in your marriage and you are seeking clear guidance about your options, please contact us today to learn about how we can support you.